I was a special breed of dumbass today. I don't know why or how it came to be, perhaps it was the stress of being in a new position, the alienation from my friend, or just my brain giving an "enough!" to sense and reason and shutting down. First I called the pregnant one in our gang by the wrong name. Twice. In front of everyone in our new group. When she questioned me after the second time and I realized in that moment what I said, flushing a hot, hot red, made hotter by the rippling of laughter behind me, I knew I was fucked in terms of leaving that moment behind.
When I do something legit. embarrassing, I can live on that embarrassment for a long time. There are things from several years ago that I can still remember can get proper red-faced about. But I tried to apologize, tried to joke about it, anything to alleviate the burn. It was totally ridiculous because of course I know her name. I have been saying it for the past month plus.
I really won it while exiting for the day though. Now that us newbies are all separated and into our respective groups, everyone but me and the pregnant one work the shift that begins and end and hour later. So as I was on my way to the door, I walked through an area filled with people I do not know. I see in the middle distance, some 10 feet away or so, two of my buds, Ash and Greg. I decide on impulse to say goodbye to them and utter "Bye, losers!", simultaneously realizing that the losers I want to hear me are not the losers who are listening. Suddenly it is a chatter of "what!?" and me explaining who I was talking to and then the pregnant one, Les, is explaining that I call the ones I was intending to say goodbye to - losers as an endearment, and this other dude stranger is telling me "I don't even know you, you can leave!" in a mock (hope it was mock) angry way.
Seriously. I'm an asshole.
When I do something legit. embarrassing, I can live on that embarrassment for a long time. There are things from several years ago that I can still remember can get proper red-faced about. But I tried to apologize, tried to joke about it, anything to alleviate the burn. It was totally ridiculous because of course I know her name. I have been saying it for the past month plus.
I really won it while exiting for the day though. Now that us newbies are all separated and into our respective groups, everyone but me and the pregnant one work the shift that begins and end and hour later. So as I was on my way to the door, I walked through an area filled with people I do not know. I see in the middle distance, some 10 feet away or so, two of my buds, Ash and Greg. I decide on impulse to say goodbye to them and utter "Bye, losers!", simultaneously realizing that the losers I want to hear me are not the losers who are listening. Suddenly it is a chatter of "what!?" and me explaining who I was talking to and then the pregnant one, Les, is explaining that I call the ones I was intending to say goodbye to - losers as an endearment, and this other dude stranger is telling me "I don't even know you, you can leave!" in a mock (hope it was mock) angry way.
Seriously. I'm an asshole.
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