If I were to give myself up to prophesy I could say that my luck will change once water returns to the state of Texas. I mean, it is easy to read into this enduring heat, see it as a parallel to my enduring satisfaction-less way of being. Maybe it is a sign that I should have gone somewhere else, outside the state like I had contemplated before ultimately deciding Austin would be the smarter choice fiscally.
I have this thing where ever age younger than my current one seems very young and something to morn the loss of. It is somewhat irrational because being 23 now, in a few months I will mourn that year gone as I turn 24. To me it is a mourning of possibility, not youth. I could do so much more with these prime years...if but for a neverending disposable income and people worth spending time with. Well...for sure the former one at least.
So I broke down the issues. What do I want to do? Have some unique life experiences, enjoyable or not, something worthy of being written or analyzed. I figure I would best be able to accomplish this with money, to get to to places that would facilitate such possibilities. I am currently being cock blocked in that arena. What to do in the mean time? I need to start an escapism that originates from me. No more reading or watching television for my source of escape. I suppose learning kanji was somewhat on the right track, but it isn't a creative process and that seems to be essential. It would seem writing would be the way to go...but then that becomes a somewhat cyclical problem. As it is with most seemingly easy things in my life.
I have this thing where ever age younger than my current one seems very young and something to morn the loss of. It is somewhat irrational because being 23 now, in a few months I will mourn that year gone as I turn 24. To me it is a mourning of possibility, not youth. I could do so much more with these prime years...if but for a neverending disposable income and people worth spending time with. Well...for sure the former one at least.
So I broke down the issues. What do I want to do? Have some unique life experiences, enjoyable or not, something worthy of being written or analyzed. I figure I would best be able to accomplish this with money, to get to to places that would facilitate such possibilities. I am currently being cock blocked in that arena. What to do in the mean time? I need to start an escapism that originates from me. No more reading or watching television for my source of escape. I suppose learning kanji was somewhat on the right track, but it isn't a creative process and that seems to be essential. It would seem writing would be the way to go...but then that becomes a somewhat cyclical problem. As it is with most seemingly easy things in my life.
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