Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Day 264: Limits

I officially put in a two weeks notice (that actually works more like a two and a half weeks but not when taking into account my next week is two days on and five off). I was just going to feel it out today after trying to call in about the other job opportunity only to be cockblocked by answer machine message of death. In said message. the recruiter said she wouldn't be back until the 6th of October. I felt that first little pinprick of anxiety and it all went down from there. I called my mother, I started applying to other jobs, I just knew I would not make it until the 6th to know what is going on.

But I thought I had calmed down enough by work to be okay. Actually, I was feeling fairly nauseated by anxiety even while driving into work which was having its affect on my appetite, but I was going to persevere. That was before I clocked in and first thing am put into a room once again with the head of the front end and the assistant manager who took the complaint on me. He explained that the footage of the incident was reviewed and it was determined that I did in fact help the customer to the best of my ability. However, it was apparent that I had been working crosswords and I would be written up for that. I just stared with what I hope was a cold blankness as he tried to express the severity of the situation, that this was my "final" before termination.

"I need to be somewhere else then. I've told you, I can't be a cashier". It went off from there with them saying there was nothing else, everyone has equal opportunity for nonexistent positions in the store, my ratings are low (my apathy concerning this started a whole new argument) and on and on. At one point the ASM kind of made light of my unhappiness, saying that everyone will dislike their job or they wouldn't be paid to do it. I cut that shit right then and there with a tearful, warbling utterance that even my days off are becoming joyless which seemed to have the desired sobering effect. So now everything has a limit and I feel much better, even with impending poorness and perhaps moving back to my mother's place eventuality. My appetite came right back.

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