Day 204: Self Annoyance

I wish I lived alone. I wish I had another job, one that made decent money but also one that made me happy. I wish I wasn't waiting to hear back about a job that wont give me more money and would probably be only a little less torturous than what I do now. Now I worry I wont even hear back about it, that someone else got the job over me despite my experience. If I can't get that job, how can I expect to get anything better than what I am doing?

What leg up did my degree grant me? I have seen zero fiscal benefit since graduating and it isn't for a lack of trying on my part. But if I got one of those good jobs then I'm sure I would just end up feeling stifled and stuck in Austin. One of the benefits of being deemed worthless by the greater consumerist companies seeking employees is that I have the illusion of options. I can try at many things, everything, and there is always the inkling of potential that I could get it.

It just has as of yet not been the result. So I continue on the vicious cycle of not making cover letters thus not sending in applications because I am "procrastinating" by watching television shows (it is very important to stay up to date!) all the while knowing if I don't apply I can't even hit that seemingly illusive potential of success.