Day 302: Jittery Bug

written at 11:30pm on 10/29/11:

 

Freaking coffee. Here I am in bed all internally a jangle because of coffee. I should be at rest with a relaxed breathing rythym and calm thoughts, instead I am thinking about the one who should not be thought of. I snooped and found new information about said 'one' and that ratchet of anixety combined with the coffee induced jittering made for palpitations and face flushing and the whole thiry times over physical manifestations of nervousness.

 

But at least I am not going off the deep end like it appears my eldest sister has. Hearing it through the grapevine (my eldest brother as he had undoubtably heard it from our other brother or his mother), the sister has left her husband and shacked up with a middle aged bloke who is on her running team. The past year or so my sister has become increasingly passionate about running. I myself find running to be a chore, an activity to be engaged in only when one is being chased or is in need of chasing someone down. Never for person enjoyment or fulfillment. I just chocked it up to another difference between me and this sister.

 

However, her frequent posts about the activity have quickly outmatched the posting about her children, her husband, pretty much anything and everything else. Obsession was becoming evident. Now we hear that she left her husband which in and of itself is not something unexpected or actually even discouraged since none of us ever warmed up to the guy. Then thing is, she left the kids with him. That to me is an indication that something else is going on here that must have to do with her mental state. You can't go from being all about kids and family and then drop it and that be a normal transition.

 

I write all this not to judge, because I don't really focus on matters that don't directly affect me and my own, but I do hope her kids end up okay within all this and I hope if there is something seriously wrong, my sister gets the help she needs. I naybe have never been close to her or have a thing in common with her, but she is still technically family and a human being. The latter can be more convincing of understanding and compassion than the former at times.