There was nothing special about this day, the last day of working for a company I have been with for over two years. It was the same drive, the same sights, and even with the knowledge that it was the "last", it didn't make a for any warm or significant feeling. Perhaps the disconnect I have been feeling was the cause. Everything has been very "out-of-body" lately. Nothing has sunk in because I didn't want to go into work and allow the unhappies to hit.
So even when I gave my two weeks I still had that shield up and it just got stronger as time passed. I would walk around the store and feel away from the action. I knew I was walking "there" and picking up "that" but it didn't feel like I was doing anything. The only exception was when I was tossing the bamboo stick I took to spinning in the lulls since I wasn't allowed to do anything else. I was real shit at first, the weight of the bamboo just felt all wrong compared to the weighted metal poles I use to toss when I was in color/winterguard. Then I started to understand how it would flip in the air, the amount of force needed to make it do what I wanted. I started to catch it.
I also started to get comments from coworkers about the stick. Why was I carrying it? Who was I hitting with it? They always saw it as an intimidating item which only annoyed me and led to short answers until today when I just told them that it didn't affect them so they didn't need to know and they needed to "get a life". That got some laughter. As I exited the store for the last time I took my apron which you aren't suppose to do. It is a dirty gross thing, the same one I have had since starting there in January, and I am not sure how long I plan to keep it, but in that moment I didn't want to throw it away. So I didn't.
So even when I gave my two weeks I still had that shield up and it just got stronger as time passed. I would walk around the store and feel away from the action. I knew I was walking "there" and picking up "that" but it didn't feel like I was doing anything. The only exception was when I was tossing the bamboo stick I took to spinning in the lulls since I wasn't allowed to do anything else. I was real shit at first, the weight of the bamboo just felt all wrong compared to the weighted metal poles I use to toss when I was in color/winterguard. Then I started to understand how it would flip in the air, the amount of force needed to make it do what I wanted. I started to catch it.
I also started to get comments from coworkers about the stick. Why was I carrying it? Who was I hitting with it? They always saw it as an intimidating item which only annoyed me and led to short answers until today when I just told them that it didn't affect them so they didn't need to know and they needed to "get a life". That got some laughter. As I exited the store for the last time I took my apron which you aren't suppose to do. It is a dirty gross thing, the same one I have had since starting there in January, and I am not sure how long I plan to keep it, but in that moment I didn't want to throw it away. So I didn't.
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