Day 151

A good bike ride today. I went for about four songs this time! Suck on that lolly! The hills are still killing my poor unfit legs, but I have learned how to utilize the gears now so no more clumsy pitching to the curb in sight of everyone in the neighborhood.

I finished Dragon Age II today. It was nervous-making, coming up to the end where I was spoiled that a beloved character was going to do something utterly stupid that made other players hate him. It was pretty fucking stupid what he did and I had my character break up with him because of it, but the final battle had big statues becoming animated to kill you so that was kind of worth it. I was "oh, shit!"-ing at the time, but it looked cool as hell, knocking over these big bronze mother fuckers with my awesome mage powers.

Overall the game was kind of lackluster, though. Definitely did not suck me in like Dragon Age: Origins and I didn't feel very close to the main character Hawke as I did with my own created Origins character. I am thinking of trying the other big BioWare series, Mass Effect, next but I would have to do some rearranging of files on my computer to fit it in.

This week is kind of the ideal spread of work days to days off. I came off a weekend of Bookkeeping, which I enjoy, with one day of cashiering followed by a day off then two days cashiering followed by the next day off and then two days Bookkeeping again. Hopefully people can refrain from being righteous dicks for the next two days.

Day 150

It is Brie's birthday today. We went to Dog and Duck, the british style pub we went to for her friend's birthday last month. I had the fish and chips again. It was yummy. I tasted Guinness for the first time, a sip off the still frothy drink of someone I had just met. It was surprisingly okay considering they described it as a coffee kind of tasting beer and I like neither coffee nor beer.

I was the driver for Ran and Kristie and they didn't want to stay long so we left before they started to have cake. There were two caked. One was David Bowie and Ziggy Stardust in black and white with actually berries in his hair. Very cool. The other Ran, Kristie, and I got on our way home from picking up Ran from work. We got a patriotic styled cake on which Kristie wanted to put something like "fuck you". The cake lady was a bit confused and alarmed at this, but she was lucky because when I spouted "twat waffle" Kristie latched onto that phrase and had the lady ice the cake with it. No one had heard that phrase before, including Brie. Very odd to me, but Kristie was crediting me with it like I have made it up. Nah dudes, you need to live a little.

So the reason I had to pick up Ran at work with Kristie instead of her picking him up in her vehicle was because he vehicle broke down. Then she had her brother come get her from where ever she had been and while doing that the muffler fell off  his car. Poor dude could not catch a break, the grocery bag he had in his band broke open and spilled out breakable, rollable items that found their way quickly across the street. I heard all this upon walking in from doing my own grocery shopping after work and it has been pretty non-stop until now. And now I sleep, yes?

Day 149

I've been unintentionally starving myself. Last night I realized I had no meat in the house and I didn't want to just cook pasta so I have the rest of my Frosted Mini Wheats for dinner. It wasn't a lot, but it filled me enough that I went to sleep content.

Then I went to work this morning. When I work Bookkeeping I tend to be so busy that I don't stop to eat. There is candy in the room though so I will pop a few of those in my mouth as I go, so I ate a few bite size Snickers and a box of Nerds. But then when I went to lunch the idea of peanut butter and jelly (what I had brought) didn't seem very appealing. It would be more sugar and I needed something more substantial. I wasn't going to eat anything but someone had the cinnamon biscuit thing from Whataburger so I ate that.

I spent two hours watching the first episodes of the Borgias while filling out deposit spills and bags, in a rush to make sure and get them done in time before leaving. It was narrowly done and when I stood up I realized how dizzy I had become and tried to suck down some water. It wasn't helping. I was stuck with feeling bad but needing to go shopping to get something to cook to eat but being too weak to cook.

I went home and drank more water. Eat some sunflower seeds. Ate a nutty bar. Finally had enough energy and non-syrupy vein feeling to make some pasta. Essentially, I still didn't consume any protein. So I am going to take my first multivitamin since moving here. Mother would be so proud. Not about the starving bit, but she had been pushing those pills like a proper drug dealer for a while now.

Day 148

I like how my housemates leave the house for the night but turn up the a/c to a balmy 79 degrees before they go. So a few hours later I realize I am sweating in my bed and unless I have suddenly become a very sweaty person, that shouldn't be happening...especially since I wasn't wearing anything, have my fan on, and no covers over me.

I also like how I locked the front door last night before trying to go to bed and while I was tossing and turning, trying to get to sleep, I hear a torrent of doorbell rings because they apparently didn't take their keys. To them that is no problem since they never lock the front door and Kristie has made it clear she thinks locking the door in pointless. Well I sure as hell wasn't going to get up for that nonsense, especially since they can get in from the backdoor with its insufficient lock and also because they knew I had to wake up early and were being hella' inconsiderate.

Tonight though the house is empty and a good nights sleep in almost guaranteed. Though I am reading a Creepy Post on ONTD. It seems to be more about television creepiness so I am not getting very freaked out. Some of the screencaps of Are You Afraid of the Dark are reminding me of episodes I had long forgotten.

Day 147

About a week ago I had a bizarre dream. I haven't written about it before now because it has some...frankly gross elements that seemed fairly gratuitous, if a subconscious can be gratuitous that is. But after some things became illuminated during the work week, I saw the dream as much more intuitive than I had right off.

In the dream I turn around and Curtis is naked as his name day (as they say in The Song of Ice and Fire series). For some reason, in a fit of very-unlike-me-ness, I lope right over to him and put my arms around him in a slinky way that I hope to never replicate in reality - with anyone. Now this is when it gets gross, and there is no delicate way to explain what happened next, but as I was looking over his arm from embracing him I notice something odd, then he groans and kind of squirms and I let go. I let go because I notice he just shat himself all over the floor of my place.

He doesn't even say anything, just kind of looks guilty and naked and like a person who just crapped all a flood of disgusting stuff that doesn't really even resemble shit really. Even though the house doesn't look like the one I live in now or any I have lived in before, my female housemates come in and are appalled and kind of take me to the side and want me to get rid of him. The me in the dream though defends him, explaining that he probably has a bowel disorder and that it isn't his fault and he doesn't need to be made to feel worse than he surely already does. I don't remember much after that and/or I woke up shortly after that.

Well at work a few days later I am in the break room and so are a lot of people, including Curtis who is holding a nearly empty bottle. I'm not really paying attention to him, just fleeting glances as I would to anyone else in the room really (I have become that apathetic) but I realized he is spitting into the cup, not drinking out of it. Immediate disgust and just "why?!" but I don't ask. Him doing dip is one thing but doing it at work is one of my biggest pet peeves about working for the company that I do. I have seen it before where employees who do dip bring it to work and go out on the floor with it in their mouths like it isn't a tobacco product and they aren't in a public place where it is not allowed. And it is unprofessional as all fuck, that too.

While talking to another associate who work in the same department as Curtis, he relays the drama in the department revolving around their department head who apparently doesn't do his job. In the telling of his story he mentions off hand that when Curtis put in his two weeks he unleashed a torrent of complaint about how the department and store are being run. I stopped him to clarify who he was talking about and indeed Curtis is leaving after this next week.

It all clicked. He was ballsy/dumb enough to do dip on the floor because he is as good as gone. My dream kind of clicked too. Minus the housemate element, it kind of summed up my interest in him. We had virtually nothing in common so I guess it was kind of physical interest, though my that wasn't very prominent for my either. And then he did something disgusting, perhaps unintentionally, to ruin his image in my mind.

Well...it cracked me up, if nothing else.

Day 146

I rode a bicycle for the first time in over ten years today. I bought a music player on the condition that I would pick some sort of physical activity thus making the purchase a worthwhile expenditure. Running was out of the question, what with the heat and humidity and me not being able to breathe and hating it. So then I thought about swimming, but I would have to spend money on a membership and I wont do that. Then it was biking, but I don't have a bike and I don't have money to spend on one.

The good thing about housemates are that they have stuff they are willing to share. Brie doesn't use the bike she bought some years back and has ridden a total of a dozen times or so, so she said I could use it. She also said the tires may be low.

I woke up early to a text from my co-worker entailing that she would not be able to go to Barton Springs tomorrow because she has a friend to pick up from the airport or something of that nature. I don't know, I was still half asleep and tried to fall back into full asleep but the ol' noggin started a'clunkin' away at how typical it was for people to flake out on me until I gave up and turned over and turned on the computer.

The search for the bike started fairly early and with some difficulty. I could see Ran's bike out on the porch, a beautiful Schwinn carelessly hanging from out wooden posts with an unused lock, free for the taking. Brie's bike wasn't in the front with his nor in the storage area on the side of the house. I was starting to give up when I spied a tire peaking out from behind the backyard shed and there I found a be-cobwebbed bike with a metal basket in the front, a little seat for bags in the back, and two properly flatten tires. I didn't notice the tires until I got it on flat ground and tried to ride it, though.

Then it was a search for an air pump. I tried all the places I had looked for the bike before giving up and going back to rest in my bed. I sent a text to Kristie asking if she knew if and where we would have such an air pump. She didn't respond but came into the house not fifteen minutes later, told me where it was (in the storage compartment under the stairs) but also insisted on texting Ran to ask if I could use his bike. He ended up saying I could, but I already had Brie's bike aired up and ready so I went out for a ride.

It was the most clumsy disgraceful display of bike riding, to be sure. I was shaky with the handle bars, the least bit of a turn becoming a gross over-correction nightmare. When paired with slowing down and coming up onto a sidewalk from the road, I nearly hit a parked car in view of who was surely the owner of the vehicle. I didn't bother to look at the man in my embarrassment, just tried to roll on. I made it three songs before I pulled back into the driveway. My legs were aching, I was out of breath and shaky and hot. I went for another go in the late afternoon, but I didn't do much better, with my legs suffering major fatigue afterward, not wanting to support my weight for a bath so I had to just sit in a tub of cool water.

I kind of suck at it, but I will continue.

Day 145

I got my new music player so now I must start exercising...problem is that it is hotter than balls outside around here and I hate running, don't have a bike, and don't want to pay for a gym membership. Brie said I could use her bike, though if it needs air in its tires as she suggested, I guess I am going to be shit out of luck.

I have the next two days off. It would be very easy to spend them inside in pleasant air conditioned bliss, a comfy bed and a good book. But I do have plans for Friday to go to Barton Springs for the first time.
 Apparently it is a natural cold water spring that you pay three dollars to swim in. I can't even picture it, but everyone says it is very cold, somewhere in the 60 degrees range.

A few folks from work said they were going with, but we shall see who actually commits. As long as my one buddy who is currently reading A Game of Thrones comes along so we can chat about it, I am good with the company.

Day 144

There are people in my house. I came home from work, a sticky, stinking mess, reeking of bug repellant and who knows what else. The bug repellant was at the forefront of my olfactory consciousness. I suppose spraying it in my eye had something to do with that. I had been struggling to get the damned pressure valve to work and had to break the plastic casing around it to finally get the little white plunger part that actually makes the spray. Then I promptly sprayed myself in the face.

But back to the party that is going on in the house. It is Ran's birthday. I knew his birthday was this week, his parents' presence was a good hint, but I didn't know it was today. And before last night, I definitely didn't know there was going to be a party. So I open the door and there are people in the backyard whose voices are carrying across the house and there is food in the dining room and more food with the mob of people outside. I sneak a few deviled eggs Ran's mother made, and say my happy birthdays to Ran who lets me know all the food choices. I go outside and see all the people sitting around the table and then turn to the grill that is closed, too timid to open it, and then turn a bit in a circle in search of something familiar. Then I just went to my room.

Ran calls for me a while later and escorts me around to what I want to eat. Totally ridiculous considering he is the birthday boy but immensely appreciated, and I sit down on the couch next to Ran's dad with a mushroom on a wheat bun and a hot dog. When it is time for the cake, I fish blackberries out of the mixed fruit bowl while the parentals and Kristie light the candles. Then I open the door for the cake and everyone starts to sing, but the fan over the dining room blows out most of the candles before Ran's mother makes it outside so a rewind is made and a few minutes later I am opening the door again and singing along.

A cry rings out for "Speech!" and a lot of people echo it until it becomes a mini chant, quickly dying down as Ran says "I love you guys....that's all...." and a june bug kamikazes into my hair. I don't know what happened after that because I was trying to shake said bug from hair and once successful, I went inside.

I needed to take a shower and was prepared to steal the bathroom from the party-goers until I realized/remembered that from outside you can look into the bathroom via the nice peek window that lends to nice breezes and pretty sunset views. So I trudge my way up to Brie's room and humbly ask if I can use her shower. Then I listen to her vent for fifteen minutes about the parentals staying longer than we thought, her not being able to have her room because Kristie and Ran are sleeping in her room while the parentals sleep in theirs, and AC issue we have been having. Namely, Ran's habit of keeping the AC off at times deemed appropriate by him.

Now I need to finish ready-for-bed procedures and then go to bed...if I can...when do people leave?

Day 143

I got so excited about the the ending of the latest episode of Game of Thrones, I tipped over a (mostly) empty glass of red, red, red tea on my bed and had to change the sheets. I need to stop dropping shit on my bed, for real. But the episode was good, even for a reader of the books who knows what is coming, it brought it well.


It's a bad time of year for my unhealthy habit of thinking of those I should forget. I struggle with knowing logically that everything it better off, it was one sided, I am thinking about someone who doesn't spare me a thought, and yet when I don't actively think these things I am being dumb. I have dreams and daydreams and I drive places we had been in the hopes perhaps we will meet.

I have several moment throughout the day when I think I see him in other people, because I know full well they aren't him, but I still get that stomach dropping out feeling as their features morphed into what I am looking for. Who I am looking for. Who I don't need to be looking for. Because nothing will change and I didn't like it the first time around or the second.

Day 142

Hardly a thought in my head at this point. So tired after two days of little restful sleep, bleeding profusely, and looking at numbers and trying to make logic out of mess ups. I just want to watch my shows, but I am too tired to stay up to watch Game of Thrones. I am trying to watch Doctor Who right now but it is feeling more like a task than a pleasure.

I want to get a passport and thought I found an easy, fast way to get one, but no. It will be 135 dollars and forms and locations and pictures and nonsense that my tired impatient brain can't deal with right now. I've been feeling the pull to go overseas and...do something. I don't know what really, but I feel like it would be an adventure and I could do with one.

We had a part at work today for going 365 days without an accident. So my 7 to 4 shift became a 7 to 8 with four of those hours being non-paid. But there was food and food and...I suppose people who are half way decent. If it wasn't for the food though, I wouldn't have gone. Or rather, stay. Now I need to get my laundry or I wont have any pants to wear for tomorrow.

Day 141

Even though I was in bed with the lights off by 10:30 last night, I couldn't fall asleep til sometime after 11 only to wake up cramping and in a fit of what I call brain babblemouth. It has happened with numbers and with a list of tasks, where my brain will just go over them in a dreamlike state, figuring things out over and over, nonsensical and sensible alike. But last night I was going over house names from Game of Thrones and details on their affliations. I'm sure half of what my dream brain was coming up with was rubbish, but I wasn't paying attention, I was trying to stop the chatter and fall asleep.

That was made doubly difficult when my housemates, with Ran's parents in tow, came home at 2 AM and were less than quiet. I tried to put my fingers in my ears to block out the sound, but even when it was finally blissfully silent, I couldn't sleep because of the cramping. It took an indeterminate amount of time to convince myself to get up and take some medicine and go to the restroom after which it was much easier to relax into sleep, but I was running low when I got home from work and crashed for a nap shortly after.

I have been hesitant to leave my room while Ran's parents have been here because I usually wear very little, they are supposedly conservative, and I have been feeling like shit due to the womanly thing and not in the mood to chat up the parentals. However, I was convinced tonight to eat grilled foods with them plus a childhood friend of Ran's and then went out with them for mini-golf and shakes.

Day 140

I woke up earlier than normal to a delightful bout of cramping and had to drowsily force myself out of bed to pee, confirm bleeding, and introduce feminine hygiene product. Then I took some drugs and browsed the internet, fully intending to stay up because I woke up only an hour earlier than I normally would have. But my body had different plans, because maybe an hour later I fell back to sleep and remained asleep til almost 11. That is quite scandalous for me. I will blame it on the part of me that is bleeding.


I finished A Storm of Swords, mind blown by the last chapter. If I hadn't already been planning to drive to one of the many library branches in town to get the next book, that would have definitely got my ass in gear. But, I had been, so I just went about it quickly and came home and started reading with taking a bath (cramps were back).

After eating and during one of my walks from the kitchen I noticed a book on the bookcase I had never noticed before. It was an astrology book from the 70s, made evident by the style of print/artwork. I almost put it back for being out of date, but inside I noticed it explained how to read the birth chart and all the aspects that go along with it, so I spend an hour looking up all of mine based on the astro.com chart I generated for myself in 2004...or thereabouts. I remember reading astro.com's interpretation of all the aspects, but this book went into some detail on what each aspects type meant, not just doling out each individual meaning.

Tomorrow is a Bookkeeping day, also known as a catching up with television while counting money day.

Day 139

The humidity is killing my hair. I like how I get out of a shower and my hair becomes insta-frizz even with liberal use of my awesome Curling Custard. It's great to look like shit fresh from a wash. Good times!

I ate some spaghetti Kristie made against my better judgement. There is nothing questionable about her cooking, except for the fact she made it at 10 o'clock at night. I try not to eat that late, so when I get off at 8:30 like I did tonight, I tend to just go to bed hungry rather than eat something in case it unsettles me or causes nightmares or whatever. It was good food, though.

I feel like my life right now is the book and the book is awesome so my life is a fraction as awesome as the book. I was sitting in the car looking up the date A Dance with Dragons is to be released (July 10) and realized that while I have been pacing myself well in advance of the new release, once it is out and read, I will be abruptly cut off from this story until the show or a new book comes out. The fact that G.R.R.M. took six years to write this one isn't very comforting either.

Day 138

Nothing like spending a day naked in bed reading a book. Really. It is good times. It wasn't planned either. I could have divided my day off with a multitude of activities, like playing some Dragon Age II for the first time in two weeks, but I just kept on reading. Well...I watched some television too.

The Good Wife finale wasn't as spectacular as I was expecting, but the last scene was shot in a very interesting way that made the film-maker part of me appreciate. I watched Glee and cried. You can't use Pure Imagination in anything unless you want the tears to fall. I don't know what it is about that song, but ever since I first heard it as a kid sitting in my mom's bed home sick, (or whatever it was that had me watching that movie alone) I have had a strong reaction to it. The way Gene Wilder sings/acts it is simply beautiful. But yeah, the death was sad too.

I am trying to get use to my body with more weight on it. I just have curves now, hips and boobs and a stomach that isn't board flat, but I am just not use to it yet so I keep getting distracted by it at times. I don't have the money or interest to shop for new clothes, and I fear my breasts are getting bigger still. As it is I have to be careful how I bend not to flash ass or mid-drift.

Day 137

Finally got to what is called the Red Wedding in the book today. Not what I was expecting, but knowing it was coming, I saw all the signs. Didn't make it any less traumatizing. This writer is fearless. He doesn't care who dies in his books, it is crazy. Well he shouldn't make his characters so lovable then!

I signed up for Mississippi/Louisiana/Missouri relief through work today. Pretty much, it's if it is necessary to provide assistance at those stores while those states recover from flood, we would be paid to work at their stores, be granted a food allowance and be boarded in hotels. I think it would be interesting to do, but I doubt they would pick me even if they do have need for us because I know Bookkeeping and am the only one who can relieve our full-time Bookkeeper for her days off.

I haven't been seeing much of Curtis lately, but today I saw him as he was bringing in carts on my end of the building (the opposite end of where he should be). I don't know. I just feel indifferent toward him now. He didn't do anything wrong, I'm just bored with it I guess. I guess I have other things occupying my mind; namely my books, my shows, and looking for new employment.

Day 136

I am getting annoyed with myself for being so tired at only 10pm. The past few days I have been really bad about that, but I can sleep in tomorrow and I want to watch Game of Thrones before bed, DAMMIT! Maybe I am PMSing. I honestly can't remember anymore without birth control pills.

I went out for Wing Stop and then came home and weighted myself before hopping in the shower. 137. I have never seen that number in my life in regard to my weight. I am hoping it is just because I have a full stomach at the moment...but it drove me to call my dad and ask how much is too much weight to gain. I may have to start...ugh...nah....like...work...bleh....work out...or something.

I won't be working out anything though without a proper music player, though, so I need to successfully buy one of those then figure out what method of exercise to go with (anything but running, please!). I went to the grocery store today so I know that I will at least be eating healthier as this past week has been fairly abysmal in that regard.

Day 135

I had a story idea while driving to Houston the other day but didn't remember it until I was driving back to Austin today. I had become fixated on the thought of alternate or multiple realities earlier in the week while listening to two of my coworkers talking about string theory and the like. I wasn't able to be properly fixated because we were at work and thus were interrupted by customers within minutes, but while I was driving my mind went back to it.

Different realities, each a variation of one particular sequence of DNA, that would be the main character, and when one of the personas die the others can feel it through a minor pain like an ache in a wrist or leg. I got that idea because my wrist was inexplicably aching while I was driving, the pain feeling like it came from my veins. So it would be like the DNA responding to that death. But what is really happening when one of the personas die is the transference of "life" to the others. So essentially, it become a survival of the fittest type of scenario where whoever is last holds all the power. Some of personae start to become away of one another through means not fully fleshed out, but I had the idea that one persona tries to kill the one main character and she slowly comes to realize this intricate muli-reality world. A supporting character would probably facilitate this.

I need to research it a bit. I started to think about how different the personae would be from one another. Usually with multiple realities, the person looks the same, but I started to think about at what level a reality can change. The precise moment an egg and sperm meet makes up a lot of factors so if something altered in a reality to change the conception, maybe I female would be male, or blonde instead of brunette. But then would the DNA be exact. Not if it was male...I don't know enough specifics yet, but the idea intrigued me.

Day 134

Written 5-14-11 at 9:04PM:

Busy party day. Woke up in the middle of the night to Ann's youngest calling for her and ultimately crying when she didn't immediately wake up and come to him. Even though I was epically exhausted last night and didn't get to sleep until midnight, I still woke up a little after 7AM, the first person in the house to do so.

Ann rented a bouncy house to end all bouncy houses, with a water slide and mini obstacle area. Her two kids could hardly wait for the men to properly put it up before jumping on. I kept to myself for most of the party because I didn't want to be in the sun and also I didn't know anyone very well besides Ann, and she was busy helping some of the autistic kids she work with that she had invited. I took pictures for Ann and tried to help with presents and food, but the sun was giving me a headache.

Tonight Ann's boyfriend's family came over and we had a cook out. Good food. Sleepy already but no one is moving to leave.

Day 133

Written 5-13-11 at 10:16PM:

I am very, very sleepy. But we are waiting for Ann's, my bestfriend's, boyfriend to come home with her kids and food. We are surprising her girl with a new princessed-up room. New bed spread, new organizer, new curtains-used-as-closet-doors at my suggestion.

I hate that I am not as comfortable here like I was in her old place when she was married and I had a definitive place in her home. Now I find myself wanting to cut the trip short, not stay until Sunday or leave earlier on Sunday than originally planned.

Don't get me wrong, I love Ann and her children, but her life decisions have become noticeably different, perhaps antithetical to my own. I wont begrudge anyone changing but it is disappointing to feel out of place here when I asked time off, spent the time and effort to get here. Maybe I am just very tired and venting and will feel differently tomorrow.

Day 132

Written 8:44 PM on 5/12/11 (Blogger is down):

A rainy day. Damn, I have been waiting for it, but when it comes I am surrounded by metal walls with no windows and only get to hear the dull roar of the rain hitting the roof. Then I heard heavier things, but I was hoping it was just...really heavy rain. Nope. Hail. I don't see any damage on Aoko though.

Because of the rain I was able to leave work early which would have been a really great time to play some Dragon Age II, but my bad knee started to hurt wicked bad so I went with reading for distraction.

Tomorrow I am off to Houston for my yearly birthday trip. Not my own birthday, but that of a little one who is getting gradually not-little now coming on five. I am going to be exhausted but it will be worth it.

Day 131

Someone at work is a snitch.

I was reading, like normal, outside in garden with one of my co-workers when he warns me to be careful because now one of the MODs know we have been reading out there. He proceeds to tell me how one of the cashiers who came to relieve me and my girl yesterday ratted us out to the MOD.

Okay, so this lady is in her forties and has a full-time job. She also makes a point of sweeping where ever she is cashiering which, while we are suppose to sweep the area, she is known for being extra diligent about it. Problem was, it was really windy outside yesterday so me and my fellow garden cashier decided we wouldn't sweep because any pile we would try to make would be blown away before it could be swept up. However, we did choose to empty the trash cans like we are suppose to.

So when this lady comes out to do our breaks, we have the garbage ready but she decides to sweep despite the wind and we gave her kudos for doing so, explaining plainly why we decided not to bother. Apparently she waited til both of us left before telling the MOD that we didn't have anything done for closing and were instead reading. So messed up especially considering how it was literally the first day the other cashier brought out a book. She got to hear it from the MOD too, because if she had come to me I would have flat out told her how it was. If they want to fire me for reading, fire me. I am not going to stop. Unless I am actually not doing my job which I am, I greet every person who walks through the door regardless if I am reading or not, then I could understand the problem.

Otherwise, mind your own business and pick your battles.

Day 130

A very automatonic day. No big event occured, I didn't share any particularly witty quips with anyone or have a profound revelation or even a moderately significant one. It would have been a dull day if not for my fellow garden cashier and lot loader to talk to and book to read.

I am getting better at making spaghetti, refining how long to cook the noodles and how to season the meat, how much sauce to ratio to cooked meat. I forgot to sprinkle Parmesan cheese on top which I have in abundance after making that cauliflower and artichoke crumble last week. I need to use up a hole case of mushrooms too that I over-bought for that dish before they go bad. I should do that before going out of town this weekend, I think.

It rained for a little bit as we were closing garden tonight. The sun was setting and right above the store this lightning cloud was a'working. We were watching it, taking turns standing out in the parking lot while the other checked people out. And then as we went inside it started to rain. Didn't last very long, but it way a pretty sight with the sunset colors in the distance, made hazy by the storm clouds looming close by. We should be getting more rain tomorrow. I hope people don't come out and we can get some reading time in. My co-worker has started to bring her book as well now. As the lot-loader said to me: I am starting a trend.

Day 129

I burned the roof of my mouth to hell and back yesterday without even knowing it. Or maybe my gums are dying, I'm not sure. I know I was starving yesterday and not willing to wait for my wings to cool down before eating, but I don't remember any pain. With the sausage Brie and Ran made last night I do remember burning my mouth a bit, but it was only when I brushed my teeth and saw the blood I was spitting up that I realized the raw sore that was the inside gums around my molar teeth. It had been a not fun eating day. Everything hurts and I couldn't prevent my gums from bleeding again today when brushing.

I was singing to myself in the car on the way home tonight, just any jumble of words that seemed to come to mind a flow well. I liked one in particular "to swim without a stroke". That lent itself to some cool imagery. My brain is tired today for no particular reason, but when I do have days like this my thought process is a lot less structured and able to channel disconnected concepts well.

So I mused about a vague story idea I had initially came up with on one of my drives from DFW to Austin. Still vague, but the core is a main character by the name of Rabbit. I thought of Rabbit because I was listening to the Foster the People song "Pumped up Kicks" and I thought the first lyric said "Rabbit" and not "Robert", what it is in actuality. That one mishearing set me on a brain flurry of an idea that was probably fully formed within five seconds of my misheard lyric. Rabbit would be a boy who adopted the name for himself because of his fear of rabbits, in the same vein as a superhero he had always idealized, Batman. This fear would be the result of having to dispose a dead rabbit in his youth. Kind of similiar to my sister's story.

But now I am thinking kind of post-apocalyptic world setting where Batman would by a long past reference that few would know about. Rabbit's job would have been to dispose of all the dead animals in a town suffering from...something due to the current conditions that I have not thought up. But his first animal would have been a rabbit and so that would be the source and root point of all his trauma from the this world.

Day 128

I got out of work early because they were cutting hours. Before I could leave though I had to give myself a self-evaluation and make goals with plans to achieve them. It was odd to look at this piece of paper with blanks asking what I wanted to accomplish in one year with the company and then also one to three years. I wanted to write "NOTHING!!!" all huge and obnoxious. Instead I just made up some achievable goals and turned it in so I could leave.

I was shaking real bad from hunger when I left but still decided to drive a bit a ways to Wing Stop and then wait the fifteen minutes for my wings to be done. I got the hot flavor (I usually go for mild), but the fries which is the main lure of the establishment for me were not fully cooked and thus not completely satisfying. That paired with the inability to eat wings and read my book simultaneously made for somewhat awkward alone eating. My hearing zeroed in on the couple behind me, mainly the woman half who kept on smacking her mouth while eating. Like, completely ridiculous sounding "twack" sounds every few bites. To quote Christian Bale, it was "fucking distracting"!

For dinner the housemates minus Kristie who was at her parent's place for mother's day cooked and ate from sausage that was left from Brie's bachelor party she threw last night (no girls aloud...except conveniently herself of course). Ran served the sausage with half cuts of bread and grilled jalapeno. NICE! There was also queso courtesy of the Queso Monster. Apparently it had been in the fridge for over a day but Ran and Kristie failed to inform me though Brie told them to. I think it was a ploy of Ran's to keep it all to himself. 

Day 127

Holy hell, hot endurance. I have been sitting in this un-airconditioned house for most of the day. Ran said I could turn on the air, but that fact that he didn't seem to want to made me want to be considerate. But after taking a shower, it is just wrong to start feeling sweaty again. Oh and my mini-fridge started making a weird sound and when I touched the cables and such in the back they were hot. Maybe they are suppose to be, but now that I turned the air on, it is considerably better. It was 84 degrees when I finally turned it on.

Caught up on Supernatural at work today. Kind of the perfect show to watch while working because even when I miss things due to machinery drowning out the audio from the computer, I don't feel like I am missing anything. Back when the show wasn't being absolutely screwy in their own mythology I wouldn't have been able to do that...oh well. Some of my co-workers thought it was hilarious that I was watching stuff back there, but really...I get things done at the same rate, I just am picking what I want to listen to instead of the music that is set in the store. Big deal.

I am willing some change to come to me. I didn't think I would so quickly become as "over it" as I have. The other day when I woke up at 4:15 AM for the first time in over a month, I felt a flush of legitimate anger about having to do this job again just because other people didn't do their job. I feel better about it now that I haven't been that sleepy since, I don't have to cashier on the weekend, and I will get this next weekend off because I requested it. But I would much rather have someone from one of the places I applied to call me with a hope of something new and well paying.

Day 126

Okay, seriously just read another spoiler about the books because people are all at various stages of reading and dammit, just really got spoiled for something....I am trying to do that thing where you just convince yourself to forget what you just read. I don't think it is working.

Oh well...it was nice driving to work this morning while it was dark still and no one was on the road. What normally takes about fifteen minutes to drive took less than ten. It is very nice. More time to lounge in bed, though waking up at 4:15 AM, it is best not to allow yourself to lounge to deeply.

I am excited to get a Birch Box this month. I hope it comes soon because I feel so poor right now just because I planned payments all wonkety and don't want to temporarily pull from my savings on principle. Dumb, I know. It will be nice to get something for free, though it isn't really free, but it is cheap enough it may as well be.

Going back to Game of Thrones, the show is so spot on it freaks me out at times. I can't point out one actor that doesn't get their character, though with the source material as expansive as it is, it would be a damn shame if they couldn't grasp their character. Even secondary characters are more fleshed out than the average primary characters in other novels. I find myself wondering how GRRM comes up with all these names, and how many kids everyone has, and how many years between kids, and the houses phrases, and sigils. I mean, how long must it take to plot all that out? And it is neverending because there are always new families than can be and must be introduced.

Favorite site of the moment:

http://mymomwatchesgameofthrones.tumblr.com/

I wonder what my mother would say about the show. Probably not half as awesome things, but she has some good one-liners, that woman.

Day 125

I woke up to this sentence:

"Sophie ate all the puppy chow."

When I am sleeping, the only thing that will wake me up with no chance of going back to sleep is talking. But in this case it was the meaning of the talk that really dragged me out of dreaming. I had made the sweet snack. commonly refered to as puppy chow or monkey munch for our Tuesday night Glee/Games/Food party. Like, a huge, full box of cereal worth. 

I didn't like the batch that much, it was chewy for some reason so even though it tasted good, the texture made it not fun time for me. Kristie assured she would eat it. But her dog Sophie apparently had different plans.

I hate feeling like I need to go to bed early. Especially on a Thursday night with so much television to watch. The first part of Community's season finale was freaking awesome. I love everything that show chooses to be. And even though it is 9:40 right now, I am going to go ahead and watch Vampire Diaries before I call it a night. I will just take a nap tomorrow, dammit!

Day 124

Something is trying to make me feel trapped. But it isn't going to happen.

A couple came through my line and bought, among other things, 35 bags of mulch. I normally would get on a walkie and call for loading assistance or even just push the loading assistance button on my register, but that hasn't been working for severeness weeks now and there were no walkies when I opened the register that morning.

So instead I called garden's phone. My buddy in garden answered but said he was in a meeting. I explained that I needed someone and asked what he wanted me to do. He said he would be there in a minute. After about five minutes the female half of the couple comes back up and starts off with

"Are you going to call anyone else?" with attitude in abundance. I explained that he said he was on his way but that he was in a meeting. She wanted me to call someone else. I attempted to explain that he would delegate to someone else if he couldn't make it. That garnered a "do you expect me to wait?!" and she was off to the Service Desk to harass herself some assistance, but not before asking for my name which I gladly trumpeted off in full accented intonation.

While she was away one of the lot loaders happened by my register and I got him started on loading up the bags for her so that when her sufficiently harassed help from the Service Desk came round he went off and helped him out. It was just the two of us then, the woman and myself.

She asked for my last name which I automatically gave, though I was told by a few associates later that I didn't have to. That is personal information and she has no right to it. Though it is ridiculous that she asked since there are no other people with my name in the store. She was trying to scare me, and seeing that it didn't work she uttered this classy phrase "You are in deep shit".

"Ma'am, I am doing my job."

Of course she argued saying I refused to call anyone, that there were plenty of people at the Service Desk. I could have explained that the Service Desk has nothing to do with Garden but that wasn't going to fly so I let her walk away saying she was going to report me.

But then I saw our store manager just outside the gate. I would later find out that he had heard about the ruckus she caused at the Service Desk, that both he and an ASM caught wind of, so I went after the woman and showed her the store manager, inviting her to tell him anything she liked.

And so she did. At this point my buddy from Garden comes in and asked if he has taken to long. I just say yes and that I am being blamed for it. The store manager comes for my side of the story, but I don't get to finish before the woman comes over with her receipt to show him how long it has been. Twenty minutes at this point, but she freaked out after the initial ten. I don't point this out, I know my store manager can do the math.

She just has to continue to hatefulness towards me though and tried to rile me with "...because someone wouldn't call anyone else". But when she supplemented it with "she refused to call anyone else" I couldn't stop myself from uttering a simple "No". Then she said that was a lie and I was a liar. The store manager stopped it promptly before I could go off, but really, at things considered, I wasn't that pissed. She was trying so hard, but she was being hateful for no reason. She even said my name back at me at one point all scathingly, acid tongued and harsh and totally unlike how it should be said. Completely unnecessary.



Then I hear that the part-time Bookkeeper just up and quit yesterday so now I have to go back to Bookkeeping weekends until they find someone and train them. I was told that would take about two months, but I am not planning to stay there that long so they better figure that out. I am not getting stuck because of some bad planning on the managers' part.

Day 123

Glee night! I had the day off and already planned to try to make a dish from the step by step book my sister gave me for Christmas. I woke up fairly early, though I was willing to sleep in and even covered my eyes with the fuzzy blanket I had reached for in the middle of the uncharacteristically chilly night, but I still turned over to push the "on" button to my computer at 8:30.

I played Dragon Age II for a good many hours, my dilemma choosing between Anders and Fenris came to a head and I guess I am stuck with Anders. I don't like that I couldn't fully woo Fenris though I refuse to read the forums to figure out how I could have succeeded until I am done with this game. I was shocked that they killed my character's (Hawke's) mother the way they did and I wonder if my response to an earlier question in the game made it so she would die. I was asked what my main goal was in rising up through the city from slums to upper class. I chose that I wanted to enter the political arena to change the way mages were treated but one of the options was that I just wanted to protect and take care of my family. I wonder if I had chose that if she still would have died.

Then I got over the death enough to stop playing and go out to get some little things from the store. Thirteen items for 45 dollars. Not cool, but I needed them. And then I began the cooking. Not comfortable in a kitchen is an understatement. I was kind of all over the place and it took my about two hours to do everything. For a dish that is essentially throwing a few cut vegetables into a baking dish with breadcrumbs and cheese, that took way too long. The texture was weird to me, still very breadcrumb-y, but the taste was pretty damn good. Or I was just that hungry after a day of eating nothing after cereal for breakfast.

Day 122

A guy at work told me he had a "weird dream" about me. I didn't ask him to elaborate. I am scared to know what that means.

It was an odd day. The temperature was in the 40s and 50s and it is officially May. Crazy stuff. Of course I was in garden freezing because after several weeks of warm weather now, my body isn't use to the cold anymore like it had been. Needless to say, it was a slow work day which means I got a lot of reading in.

My housemates have started to call me Frank. I heard Kristie say it the other day and when I asked her about it she said her and Ran had started to refer to me as Frank between themselves, apparently originating from Ran. I can't say I mind it, reminds me of family which is comforting.

Day 121

Seeing Americans massing in front of the White House cheering at the death of another human being really freaked me out. I know the dude was the orchestrator of horrible mass murdering plots which resulted in the death of thousands, American and others, but it was still bizarre to see these white, young folk with ignorantly blissed out expressions on their faces.

Kristie and I made some commentary on it while watching it all. And I thought it odd that we went straight for a kill instead of a capture. Then not a minute after expressing that concern, Wolfe Blitzer explained that Obama had given the directive that bin Laden could be taken dead or alive.

Death is so final, though. He doesn't get to pay for anything, doesn't have to suffer discomfort or lonliness, or any of the other varied and torturous human emotions that one so heinous should be made to feel. No, let us dumb young American's prance about cheering at the death of a killer, further perpetuating the hate that fueled his attacks against us in the first place.